Today my son turned 6 weeks old and I can't help but to sit and just think about everything. I went through my pregnancy alone because my ex (Justin) lied/cheated and so I figured it's for the better he's not around. Throughout my pregnancy I gave him so many chances to get involved and he didn't even bother. He would pick and choose when to come to appointments and he didn't even start doing that until I was 7 months along. I used to cry after all my appointments because I'd leave that office falling more and more in love with every heartbeat heard and every ultrasound I'd see; and I just couldn't understand how someone couldn't love their own child. But then when he would come to appointments (he only went to 5) I would be bothered because it was like being in a room with a stranger. I dated the guy for 2 years and all of a sudden I didn't know him anymore. I was due July 21st, but was induced on July 28th, and I was only in labor for 4 hours. For 2 of those hours Justin took off to go fight with his girlfriend. He barely made it in time and I think that's because his mom texted him telling him to get his ass there.
The few days in the hospital were good and bad. He stayed the first night and helped for the most part since I couldn't get up and grab the baby I had him getting the baby for me. The next morning he couldn't wait to leave and he told me he wanted to kill himself and pulled a bowl out of his pocket so I flipped out and kicked him out of the room. I couldn't believe someone could be so messed up in the head. He didn't come back until 7 that night and he actually helped out the whole night with the baby. The next morning another fight broke out before us being discharged and he left. After that day he saw Graig (my son) twice and for not more than 5 minutes. I take Graig to see Justin's family once a week and they don't even bother asking whether Justin has seen the baby or not... I'm pretty sure they've given up on how much of a fuck up their son is.
Overall, I'm not upset that he's not around because he does have A LOT of issues... but I look at my son and I just don't understand how anyone couldn't love him. Everyone that meets/sees him absolutely adores him! He's a gorgeous baby boy and it amazes me that the biggest mistake in my life gave me the greatest gift ever.
