I just need to vent..

I never have time to get on here and express the feelings I truly have but right now I don't care how busy I am, I need to take the time and do so. That's the whole point of a blog, sorta.

1. My son has his 1st ear infection. It hasn't been a complete nightmare, but it's had it's ups and downs and is definitely taking a toll on me and my sleep. He seems to enjoy his antibiotics which is good. He somehow reached up onto a high table and got his diaper rash ointment and ate it so I had to call poison control, they said it's fine. But that night he got a fever of 103 so I panicked... took him into the doctors the next day and he had a "bad ear infection" in his right ear. 
2. With family court my ex lied to the law guardian saying he hadn't been in trouble for drugs and alcohol but I brought in the news articles proving him wrong so we both have to undergo drug evaluation and take drug tests. I can't wait! I will be the most BORING person they've ever met. I don't go out or drink or do anything. I haven't had a life since I got pregnant and that's the way I like it. I don't miss going out and it bothers me to see new moms who I went to school with handing off their kid to their parents so they can go out every weekend. HELLOOOOO IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU ANYMORE! YOU HAVE A BABY! UGH! It truly disgusts me and angers me. I understand we're 21/22 years old but it's not the end of the world if you miss out on going to a club. And they might think their baby is too little to remember but these are the moments to cherish when they're so little and not speaking and rely on you for every once of life. These girls have premies and are getting wasted multiple times a week, or going to weekend long concerts and doing hardcore drugs, I don't get it. Then again these are all girls who smoked during their pregnancy and continue to do so (weed and cigarettes). I'm sorry, I'm entitled to my opinion, but if you can't quit smoking anything when you become pregnant for an innocent helpless child, then you don't deserve to be a mom. Why ruin a babys perfect health?
3. My dad literally begged me to lend him my tax return money (remind you I'm unemployed and It's very hard for me to find work when I have no car, and all my friends are working and going to school and no close family so I have 0 help). So I was really relying on that money. But I hesitantly gave it to him and asked him how will he pay me back since he's been unemployed the last year.. well he made up some crazy excuse that was VERY believable! Something about cashing out his savings or some sort of account he had a ton of money in that he'd been living off since he's been unemployed. So I made him put it in writing that he'd pay me back. Well in writing he said he'd pay me back by 2/22. It's now 4/16.. and Easter is 8 days away. Everything I planned on doing for easter is now pointless. I have a negative 220$ bank account bc my dad keeps telling me I'll get my $ and I have automatic payments that come out like my sons Gerber Life and stuff. It's my sons FIRST Easter! I had a basket picked out online to order. His small toys. EVERYTHING. Plus he's got to get easter pictures and his picture taken with the easter bunny. I'm just so upset. 
4. My birthday was last Sunday... I got absolutely nothing from my own parents. I didn't even get a phone call from my father. My sons grandparents though got me a $50 gift card to Target which I bought diapers and stuff with. It just says a lot. I feel lonely enough raising a baby alone, and if I ask my parents for any sort of help they ignore me and don't seem to care. It depresses me but at the same time it makes me stronger and makes me know what kind of parent I'll never be to my son. 
5. My boyfriend is amazing but he has his moments. I accepted the whole not living together yet thing even though he moved in with his ex after a year. But deep down I feel like he's ashamed of me. We've been together 11 months and I'm yet to meet his dad (who stopped talking to him for a few weeks at Christmas when he found out I had a kid), I'm yet to meet his "best friends" the kids he grew up with, I just feel like because I have a child he's embarrassed or something? He hasn't said anything about why I haven't met his dad, but he claims the reason I haven't met his friends is because they're still doing drugs and going out and getting into trouble and that's just not him anymore. Which I believe because he doesn't hang out with them, but he does talk to them and he does talk to me about them. I'd just like to know who he's talking about and meet the people who made him who he is today. I just get bothered easily, and the fact at one point in time he wanted to spend forever with his ex and go to sleep and wake up everyday with her and not me gets to me. Same with the whole family/friends thing. She met and knew everyone. I don't get it.