I was watching Dr Phil on Thursday and there were 3 guys my age having as much sex as they could with whatever girls let them and having unprotected sex. It was disgusting! But Dr Phil put them in a house and made them realize what it’d be like to be a father and how expensive it is. He also made them watch a birthing video and all. It changed their outlook and one even said he couldn’t imagine doing that to a girl and ruining her future. It was amazing to me that a guy even said that. A 21 year old guy realized he was being irresponsible and realized what the outcome could be. It made me wonder how my ex looks at the situation. He’s been out having unprotected sex with all these girls and doesn’t care about the outcome. He got me pregnant a year before he got me pregnant for a second time. He got his current girlfriend pregnant twice also. She’s gotten an abortion both times, I decided not to after having one prior. I faced my actions and accepted the responsibility. As much as it did put a damper on things for the future, It’s given me more drive than ever. I worked up until I was 9 months pregnant and am currently trying to figure out my situation baby sitting wise and what days work best before I go back to work. I was lucky enough to get to stay home for the last 7 months but I can’t wait to go back to work, even part time. I want to go back to school either for teaching or meteorology. I just want to do so much and I want to accomplish things before Graig’s old enough to realize. His father doesn’t work and hasn’t a day in his life, is a college dropout, and just has NO drive. And I don’t think he’ll ever even think twice about what he’s done to my life. I learned a lot spending 2 years in a mentally and physically abusive relationship, and being cheated on and just being drawn to that dysfunction. It took me getting pregnant and deciding to keep the baby that made me leave and get on with my life. It took me being in charge of another life to work up the nerve to leave and never look back. I will always hate my ex as a person, but I’m grateful for the life lessons and obviously grateful for my son. I’m stronger now than I ever could be and he can’t take anything away from me. He can never take away the bond my son and I have, the lessons I’ve learned, and the happiness I have found. I’ll never be caught up on sleep or be able to do whatever I want like him, and he will never know what its like to be a parent or to have responsibility like me. He gives me a measly $300 a month. I don’t think he realizes how expensive a baby is.
I went to family court and filed for sole custody and an order of protection and I’m yet to hear anything. I dread going to court because I’m afraid some judge will give him any sort of rights! I filed now while he’s all drugged up and just got in trouble for his 2nd DWI and drug possession charge and head butted a state trooper. Hopefully things work to my benefit and then I will go for child support to get more money. It just bothers me here I am without a car, an education, a job and he gets EVERYTHING handed to him and has no worries in the world. Life is just one big party to him. While I have to bust my butt and save every penny to get the things I have. I believe in karma but it seems good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people. I’ll never get it but I’m doing my best at remaining optimistic and to give my son everything I never had. I needed to vent a little (sorry!) and I just wish more young guys would realize what the outcome is to their actions. It’s all fun and games to them but someone ultimately pays for their actions. Some girls don’t believe in abortion or maybe some have been there and done that and never want to do it again and are left to face their responsibilities. That’s why there are so many teen pregnancies and single moms out there. But we’re those people who make the world a better place! We just gotta hope and pray our kids learn from our mistakes and realize how hard we work and how much we love them and we want better for them.
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