Finding Out

    I was in a really bad relationship and we were on and off all the time. I knew I wasn’t in love and I knew I deserved more than someone who was physically/mentally abusive and cheated all the time. He was so good at lying though and twisting stories that you’d get sucked back in and regret it instantly. We were broken up for a few months and we got back together for ONE WEEK. That week he seemed like a decent person and that he did change. It was the last week of October and I had plans of going out of town with my friend for Halloween. Sure enough while I was gone for one night, he told me the next night he did ecstasy and cheated on me. A week goes bye and I’m feeling weird and I have a cramping feeling like I’m about to get my period. But a week went buy and no period, which was weird because I only got that crampy feeling an hour or two before I get my period so I knew something was up. I kept telling myself if I’m pregnant I’m not telling him, I don’t want to deal with him ever again. Sure enough I find out I’m pregnant and of course he was one of the first people I told. I had every single emotion you could ever imagine. Mostly it was an “oh shit” feeling. I was nowhere near ready to have a baby. And I knew I didn’t want to bring a child into a shitty family situation. Never in a million years would I think that 11/12/09 would forever change my life. Obviously finding out you’re pregnant is a life changing moment, but there is so much more too it. Finding out I was pregnant gave me the strength to not get back together with my ex. I knew if I had to I was going to do this on my own. When I told my dad he wanted me to reconsider keeping the baby. My mom accepted it as is and seemed excited. When I was 3 months pregnant I went to Cleveland and stayed with my mom for a bit to get away and clear my head. It was the hardest and greatest life changing period of time. While I was gone I learned to take a step back and look at everything from an outsiders view. I learned my ex’s true colors. He was dating multiple girls at once, playing us all, and still hadn’t told his parents I was pregnant. I emailed his parents and told them myself at 4 months pregnant. My mom didn’t want me to go back home because she was afraid for me with all the drama back home. I went against her wishes and one of my best friends and I planned the next few months of my life. My mom laughed at the thought of me finding a job and everything else while pregnant. I proved her wrong though! I moved in with my best friend and her family, and they took me in with open arms. I got a job at 5 months pregnant (I wasn’t showing, if anything it looked like a gut). And thank god I found a job because within the month I started to get my little bump. Everyone at work was so amazing and understanding and it felt so nice to finally be myself. I was back to my happy me. I came back home and was doing me. I didn’t tell anyone where I’d be or what I was doing and it felt so good! I ended up meeting the man I’m head over heels in love with while I was pregnant at work. I just want it to be known to women everywhere that a baby will change you in so many ways. You will have a newfound strength. For some women it doesn’t happen until the baby is born, and for some they never grow a backbone. My life is an open book, I will share everything anyone wants to know. I’m not ashamed of anything. Everyone makes mistakes, and everyones gotten caught up in some bad times before. I learned from my experience and yea it was a waste of 2 years, I got the most beautiful baby boy out of a horrible situation.