Happy 8 months to my beautiful boy!

Today Graig is 8 months old! I looked at pictures last night of when he was born and balled my eyes out. When people say "Enjoy it! It goes fast!" They're not kidding! I miss being able to just hold him. Now he's such a little man! Crawling, furniture walking, never sleeping during the day, etc! And he neverrrrr wants to be cuddled. He loves to be held but always wants to get down but when you set him down he cries so you can't win! But he wont lay with you or sleep with you :-(. I wish he would sometimes. It'd be so precious to take naps together. I miss the first few weeks when he'd sleep on my chest. Today we'll be celebrating with tissues and medicines and laying low! It's cold out and we both have a bad cold. Oddly, he got me sick! But it's all good, I love him more than ever. It's so amazing and fun to see him growing into such a little person. He's funny and so curious! He never seizes to amaze me.

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family court

So while I was sick over the weekend when it was really bad I stayed at my ex's brothers fiance (Amanda). I'm friends with her and they have their own house. Well of course on Friday Justin (my ex) decided to come over and "help" take care of me and the baby... he passed out on the couch. So Amanda came home early from work and helped. On Saturday he came over and didn't help with the baby at all, Amanda and I did everything. Justin played video games with his brother upstairs for probably 10 hours. Last night I get a call from him but of course wouldn't answer (I never answer his calls because I hope he leaves a voicemail that I can somehow use in court). Well of course he must know I save the vmails because he left the most bullshitting voicemail I have EVER heard. Saying he misses and loves me and Graig (the baby) and that it's his "personality" to take care of people and that kids love him and he wants to be in Graig's life and have that bond that only a father and son can have. He just went on and on. I couldn't help but to laugh!! He has NEVER taken care of me. The last time I was puking for 13 hours straight when we were together he went out and got wasted during the day and didn't get home until 11pm and by then I went home! He makes everyone take care of him. And to even IMAGINE him alone with my son could give me a heart attack. He is incapable of caring for a child for even a day. Every time Graig cries or whines he gets SO pissed and rolls his eyes or walks away and mumbles something under his breath. I just don't get why he lies and pretends he wants something to do with Graig. And why all of a sudden when he's almost 8 months old?! I asked him if he wanted to see a mediator instead of us going to family court but he said he wants Graig 1 day a week and 1 weekend a month. I won't have that, so I'm prepared to go to court and show pictures of him strangling my cat (He sent me a text while I was pregnant of him strangling my cat with the caption "You're not home where are you?!"), pictures of him smoking weed he had online at one point, pictures of him and his girlfriend smoking weed, and I have a letter I gotta pull up saying he hates me and wants to die and just him mentally abusing me on paper pretty much. He is a very abusive person... both mentally and physically. I'm terrified he will get some sort of custody. I'll be fine with supervised visitation but I can't have him be alone with my child.. EVER. And I want to ask for a court ordered drug test to prove he does drugs. I want a hair one though from him because when he got his 1st DWI he was ordered to go to a rehab program and he used a wizanator or w/e to cheat his drug tests. Now he's gotten another DWI and possession charge and head butted a state trooper. If you google his name "Justin Gingras" articles come up. I don't know what to do! Please give all the advice possible, thank you! We have court exactly a week from today at 11am.

Sick and taking care of a baby!!

I have been so sick but I'm feeling a lot better! Thursday I had to go to the ER because I couldn't even keep water down and couldn't stop getting sick. I was too weak to even hold my son!! After 8 hours in the ER and them running some tests, I have a GI bug and it caused an infection in my intestines. I was only supposed to eat bananas, rice, applesauce, toast and water... AKA "The BRAT diet" the doctor called it. Needless to say, that didn't last long so ate real food and of course every time I tried to do that, I got sick. And of course my son got sick and yesterday my boyfriend got sick. So here I am taking care of myself, the baby and my boyfriend!! I don't know how "super moms" do it. I'm exhausted and feel worse everyday because now I get constant headaches. Any advice on what to do?

First Haircut

When do parents usually take their kids to get their first haircut? Graig has long hair by his ears but he doesn't EVER sit still! It makes me nervous to even consider taking him for a haircut yet!

Dating with a kid

Have any of you dated someone after having a baby? If so how did that turn out? How long were you together before moving in, married, have another baby, etc? Or did none of that happen? I started dating my boyfriend while I was pregnant and he doesn't want to move in anytime soon. And I don't know how long I can date someone before making the next step. May will make one year. Next may will be 2 years and I don't want to sit around for him to 'consider' us moving in together. I want a family and I don't want to be 30 when I get the chance to settle down. My boyfriend is constantly changing his mind about what he wants. I know what I want and that will never change. I want to fall asleep and wake up everyday with my best friend and the person I love most. I want a baby of our own within a couple years. Maybe it's just me and I'm looking WAY into it but I can't help it. You dated me when I was pregnant and you've been by my side through a lot. At the same time I'm tempted to just say fuck it and go on with my life. I need to go back to school and just be on my own. Lately I've just had a ton of doubts and I've been over-thinking everything!!! He says one thing and I find a reason to look into it. Sometimes I feel as if I could care less what happens but other times I feel like I just want the next step. Maybe it's just me being crazy but I can't help it. And on top of that my ex and his psycho girlfriend got engaged so now I feel super shitty because I have a HUGE feeling they'll get married on MY date (11/11/11). If they do all hell will break loose lol. Donny won't marry me on that day but I know someone who will and wants to have a baby soon and have us be together. And that's another thing.. that's been in the back of my head for months! It's hard to sit here and wonder what's going to happen when there's someone who wants the same things as me and I've pushed it off for 4 years. Who knows... I'll figure it out with time or I'll have a professional help me out lol. Maybe I need to just pour my heart out to a psychologist about everything in my life. I hate that thought though because I cry whenever I have to talk about things in my life, I'd much rather sit here and type them out and not cry. :-)

Last nights Teen Mom 2

Did anyone watch teen mom 2 last night? I'm pretty sure I've cried every episode with Leah & Corey. My heart just aches for them. I felt like crying too when Jenelle left her son to go to New Jersey and didn't even kiss him bye and he walked up to the door like waiting for her to come back! SOOO heartbreaking! And then Chelsea's just an idiot. We ALL knew Adam was going to do that. How long do you think it'll take for her to call her friend up crying? And why is her dad even letting her live on her own? She didn't finish school yet, she shouldn't be rewarded with anything until she's done all the things she needs to get done. I just can't wait to find out what's wrong with Ali and hopefully it's nothing horrible!

keeping sanity

How do you other moms out there keep your sanity?

"Daddy"

Well I've been really having a lot on my mind when it comes to my relationship with my boyfriend Donny. We started seeing one another when I was 7 months pregnant. When we started seeing each other he instantly made me fall in love. I don't know if he said all the right things or what. He told me if we we're to be together he'd treat Graig like his own blah blah... everything! So yes, he did say all the right things. Now Graig is 7 months old.. and I know he's nowhere near ready to treat Graig like his own. This morning Graig said da-da for the first time (not his first words but it is his first time saying that) and I was like oh jesus I hope he said ba-ba because he doesn't have a da-da. And Donny told me to never say that. Graig's father isn't around and has seen the baby a whole 5 times maybe and is out getting drunk and high all day everyday. He's 23 years old and has NEVER worked a day in his life. Has 2 DWI and drug possession charges.. I just can't believe someone can sit on their ass all day and be fine with the way their life is. I'm DYING to go back to work! If I had a car I'd be working part time at least and go back to school. I can't stand not working. I feel completely worthless with my life. I'm depressed and never want Graig to grow up and realize I didn't go to college. I feel bad for my son. I don't think I'll ever get married one day and I don't think any guy I ever come across will be ready to take on a kid and treat him as their own. I know it's still early and there's time for things to come full circle but I just wonder everyday. I feel guilty having to bring him into a broken home and him not having a great father. I don't look forward to the day he asks me questions, I don't know what I'll say. You always just want the best for your kids and you don't always know how to provide that or guide them I guess. In October/November all Donny did was talk about getting engaged. Now he doesn't even want to live together when his lease is up at the end of April. I just wonder what I'm even doing and if it'll ever go anywhere. I don't want next year to come and his lease be up and he says to me "Sorry I can't handle the baby (thats what he said for why he doesnt want to live together)" Graig will be about to hit his terrible 2's... so if he cant handle the baby now.. he definitely wont be able to then! And I told him I'll just walk away from the relationship then. I feel numb. I've just accepted the fact because I have a kid guys are going to frown upon me in all different ways. I've accepted the fact I might never get married and if I do it won't be for another 10 years. Who knows... I know I'm not the first mom out there to go through any of this but I don't know anyone else who's going through what I'm going through.

FINALLY!

Graig FINALLY slept through the night! I don't know if it's because he slept a whole 3 hours the night before or if it's because I tried Enfamil's Nighttime Formula!! But if it's because of the formula I am going out and stocking up and buying it for my friend's upcoming baby shower! Such a lifesaver! I was up waiting for him to wake up throughout the night . I shall see tonight how it works...